I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
