Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
