As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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