I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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