He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sext me about skeletons
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
