i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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