Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
