it wasn't lemon gatorade
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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