Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my being single is dangerous.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
