just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
