He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
