Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
