She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
