im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
