I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
did you just send me my own nude
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
