you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's get the cat blown out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
