i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
