singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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