Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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