i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
