I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
