Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Operation Purity has been aborted
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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