Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
