I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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