What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
