At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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