your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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