Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
