so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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