miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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