I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
