So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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