My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
