You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
