i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize