love makes seman taste better
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
