Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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