I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
