I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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