they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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