Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
