Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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