Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
