he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
