I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
