I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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