so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
