the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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