I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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