im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
