AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
