I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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