I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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