I met the friendliest cop last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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