the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
