remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
