my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
