Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize