i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
